| Bedeviling Eggs |
Every Christmas brings with it a wonderful challenge. While the kids are tearing open gifts and eating Chinese food with their dad, how should this Jewish girl spend her Thursday?
Well, since the early fall, a friend and fellow TV junkie had been asking if I’d watched Top Chef Boston yet. It’s one of our favorites to discuss and this season it’s in our hometown, but for some reason I kept putting it off. Nine episodes had accumulated on the DVR. So, when my friend mentioned it again this December and said that she’s been loving this season, I knew what I had to do. Christmas would be a Top Chef Marathon day. Here is how it went:
Wednesday, December 24th
I drop the kids off at their dad’s house in the evening, then head to a grocery store near my home. My plan is to pick up something delicious that will satisfy me while watching great food being cooked. Watching Top Chef without yummy food is like the time I tried reading Sideways while pregnant and unable to drink. It was a frustrating and depressing experience. I don’t want to do that again.
However, it seems the store is closed and I realize that many stores close early on Christmas Eve (silly Jewish girl). I have no luck at another grocery store on the way, but thankfully the convenience store is open. I get a bunch of things that aren’t healthy or “local,” but very tasty.
At home, I decide I want to dig into my snacks right away and, thinking that there may be too much TC to squeeze into one day, I start right in.
Episode 1 – The episode starts off with a bang. There will be a Sudden Death Quickfire. Apparently this means that someone will have to go home after the Quickfire and not even get to do the first Elimination Challenge. Intense! The cheftestants’ task? The famous team mise en place relay race. Except they’ve JUST met and know nothing about each other’s skills, so they have to trust what everyone says they can do. Well played, TC.
The slowest member of the losing team is George, and so he is up for elimination. He now has to pick another cheftestant to cook against. If George wins, both of them stay. If the other chef wins, George has to pack up his knives. George chooses Gregory from his own team because he’s pissed off about the relay race failure.
Result: Goodbye, George. I’m sorry, but I don’t know you enough to care.
Time for the Elimination Challenge. (Wait, we’re not done yet?? With the intensity of the Sudden Death Quickfire and cook-off, I had forgotten there was more to come.) For the Elimination Challenge, the cheftestants will participate in the first Top Chef Food Festival by updating a dish they loved in their childhood. The festival takes place at the Museum of Science and it’s the first real sighting of a Boston landmark in the show.
Halfway through the challenge, I realize I’m still wearing daytime clothes like a chump. I go to put on comfy pajamas and come back with the ice cream I’d purchased at the convenience store. For some reason I had picked a flavor I haven’t really had since my youth (Haagen Daz Vanilla Swiss Almond), so it’s a perfect match for the challenge.
Back on the show, there’s another new feature this season. Rather than keep the cheftestants waiting until judges’ table for any feedback, the judges (now featuring former contestant Richard Blais) let the cheftestants know WHILE THEY’RE TASTING THE FOOD exactly what they think about it. Ouch.
And as if immediate feedback wasn’t stressful enough, the other new judging feature is that all chefs are invited to judges’ table for the elimination. No more sitting in stew room while fellow cheftestants are being judged. So, when someone is on the bottom, not only do they have to defend their dishes to the judges, they have to do it with all of their fellow competitors staring at them from just a few feet away. Awesome! (For the viewers, not for them.)
Result: Mei wins, Michael packs his knives.
Episode 2 – There is no “previously on” segment. We start right in on the chefs bitching in the stew room. Interesting...
Thankfully (for the chefs), this episode doesn’t start with one of the sudden death-variety quickfires. Based on the “one if by land, two if by sea” warning about the approaching British in Henry Wadsworth Longfellow’s poem, cheftestants have to grab a protein—from ”land” or “sea”—depending on how many lanterns are periodically lit. And, because they can’t get the proteins until the lanterns are lit, they have to start cooking without knowing if they’ll get what they want. It’s all crazy!
Result: James wins.
At this point, I realize that I’ve already eaten too much ice cream. It may have been an entire container. May.
The Elimination Challenge has the chefs cook in teams for Boston’s police and fire departments. They have to use mystery ingredients that they don’t see until they start cooking, but no one ends up with anything bizarre.
Result: Blue team wins. Joy packs her knives. (Noooooo. She had already become one of my favorites. She was just too nice for the competition. I hope there’s a Last Chance Kitchen.)
Episode 3 – It seems eliminating the “previously on” clip and starting right in on the episode is a regular thing. Smart move, TC. I’m so IN.
As we get to the Quickfire, I can’t help but notice that Padma and her breasts are looking stunning. Then I notice a guy standing next to Padma’s breasts. Oh, it’s Ming Tsai! Almost didn’t see you there, Ming.
Ack! It’s another Sudden Death Quickfire, but this time the winner gets immunity. For the Quickfire, the cheftestants have to cook a dish with tea (Boston Tea Party, natch). Trash-talking Aaron loses, but then saves his ass when he chooses Katie for the cook-off, and he wins.
For the Elimination Challenge, they’re off to Fenway! The chefs have to cook a fine dining meal using ballpark foods as an inspiration, and part of the cooking time is in the park’s limited facilities. The judges and their guests actually sit at a table on the field and the chefs get to walk their dish out onto the field. It’s pretty awesome.
Results: Gregory wins. Ron packs his knives.
Episode 4 – I continue to eat various snacks but am starting to notice the late hour. This may need to be my last episode of the night.
The chefs are brought to Cheers on Beacon Hill for the Quickfire. And who’s there to help Padma judge but George Wendt. (Cue the obligatory “Norm!”) Fun fact I learned: By law, all bars must serve food? Who knew!
Cheftestants are challenged to make awesome bar food. While they’re cooking, my cat starts going for the empty ice cream container, so I take it (the container, not the cat) to the kitchen. When I return, I realize I’m holding beer and chips... Oh, I see what happened there. Katsuji, though annoying, wins the Quickfire.
Time for the Elimination Challenge, and it’s a double elimination! I think “intense” isn’t a strong enough word for this season. The chefs have to work in teams to create a menu that will appeal to diners. The winning team will be decided by which menu receives the most orders, while the elimination will be based on the food itself. And, curve ball: special guest Emmy Rossum is gluten free.
Result: Purple team wins. James and Rebecca pack their knives.
It’s about 1:30 a.m., so I head to bed. I set the alarm for 10 a.m. to make sure I don’t sleep the entire day.
Thursday, December 25th
The alarm goes off, but I choose to hit snooze for a while. Around 11 am, my sweet elderly neighbor decides to bring over a Christmas gift for me and the kids. I am forced to answer the door in my frantically thrown-on bathrobe. I think he is more embarrassed than I am. We chit-chat about the weather, then I head back in to set coffee to brew and pour a bowl of cereal.
Episode 5 – This episode starts with an ad for Reynolds products, I mean with a Quickfire Challenge in which the cheftestants will use Reynolds products while cooking. The challenge puts the cheftestants into a head-to-head battle in which they must cook the same dish in the same way. Gregory wins and becomes $10,000 richer.
The Elimination Challenge divides the cheftestants into two teams based on whether they lost or won their Quickfire battle. Then the teams must go into a culinary war that will take place at the Watertown Arsenal (which I could have sworn was just a mall now). Also, each team has to share just $1,000 for the ingredients. The first team to score three points will win, but with a number of strong dishes, the teams end up needing all five battles before a third point is awarded. Also, Katsuji has a panic attack—and I wonder about my humanity as I feel more annoyed than sympathetic toward him. (I know I can’t be alone in this…)
Results: Blue team wins. Aaron packs his knives. Surprisingly, the trash-talker gives one of the most generous and kind goodbyes so far to the judges and his fellow cheftestants.
Episode 6 – Tiffani Faison from TC Season 1 shows up at the cheftestants’ apartment and takes them to...a cranberry bog! Their task is to harvest a certain number of cranberries. The first person to do so gets an advantage in the Quickfire. Tall and/or fit people crush it.
Back in the TC kitchen, the cheftestants must create a dish that highlights the cranberry. Hometown girl Stacy wants this one, but Katie takes it home.
The Elimination Challenge has the chefs traveling to Plimoth Plantation where they will cook a traditional Thanksgiving meal using only the foods and materials available in the 1600s. Should go well!
I’ve never actually been to Plimoth Plantation...I somehow managed to miss that particular field trip for both kids. (It takes place mostly outdoors in November when it’s cold! But I’ve gone on other trips. And I helped make both Plimouth Plantation projects. I did my share. Don’t judge!)
I notice that it is now 12:30, which means it’s time for coffee cup #2. I’m also getting hungry, although TC is partly responsible for that. I go to the kitchen and come back with the coffee and a yogurt. I’m not ready to make a bigger effort yet.
Back on the show, the cheftestants are cooking over their outdoor fires. There is a lot of smoke. And big pots and spoons. The guests of honor are descendants of the Wampanoag tribe and the Mayflower Pilgrims. Ultimately, everyone did very well. It seems that without their fancy tools and foods, they cook better. Hmm.
Result: Annoying Katsuji wins. Local girl Stacy packs her knives. (Go kick some Last Chance Kitchen ass, Stacy!)
Episode 7 – Holy cow! I’m catching up! And here’s the episode that many people, including the cheftestants, wait for: Restaurant Wars!
There is no Quickfire, just the Elimination Challenge. The teams are selected and Katsuji is already being the ass on his team. On the other team, Adam is anxious about the family-style dining his teammates want. I see the meltdowns coming…
Interestingly, about half of the interview segments focus on everyone strictly worrying about themselves—and thinking about their teammates weaknesses in terms of the advantage to themselves. Perfect attitude for the toughest team challenge!
First crisis: Adam’s clean clam shells are missing. Luckily, they have more clams to shuck.
Second crisis: Kerriann’s waitstaff does not seem well trained. As things get going, this does not improve...
Third crisis: I’m getting crazy hungry. Should I reheat yesterday’s pizza or make deviled eggs?
The teams are “4 Pigs” and “Magellan.” Service is going well for 4 Pigs, except for some over-salted scallops. They get great feedback from the judges, and I’m happy because I realize I’ve been rooting for them.
On the Magellan side, things aren’t going so well. Service is a disaster thanks to poorly trained waitstaff and Katie’s inexperience with expediting dishes. Keriann’s dessert is also not looking good.
As the show breaks for commercials when the judges arrive, I head into the kitchen. I come back with reheated pizza, BUT I have also put the water on for the eggs. Bet you didn’t see that coming! Oh, and according to the commercials, there’s going to be a new show featuring head judge Tom Colicchio: Best New Restaurant. Hm. If only there were more hours in the day.
Result: Team 4 Pigs wins and Doug is overall winner. Go, Dougie! Keriann packs her knives, and I’m okay with that.
Episode 8 – It’s 2:30 and the eggs have been put into the boiling water. Back on TC, Padma (rocking the tightest overalls I’ve ever seen on a skinny woman) and chef Jasper White are ready with a Sudden Death Quickfire. The cheftestants need to put their own spin on clam chowder. There’s a possible incident of clam theft as the chefs gather their ingredients and tools, but everyone manages to produce a dish.
I pause before the judging to make my deviled eggs. I follow a recipe, except I substitute yellow mustard for dijon because that’s what the convenience store had, but it all comes together pretty well. I’m sure Tom wouldn’t love them, but my palate isn’t as refined. I save a few for the boyfriend (who’s coming over later), but still eat more than one person should.
On to the judging...Katie’s chowder is the least favorite and she must battle another chef. But before she picks her challenger, surprise! Here comes Tom with all of the eliminated chefs. The eliminated chefs get to pick one of their own to go up against Katie (and, of course, they can’t pick themselves). If the eliminated chef wins, Katie leaves and the eliminated chef gets to rejoin the competition. They pick George out of pity as he was the first one out. He is happy to take their pity. The dish to cook: rabbit.
Shocker! Katie is out and George gets a second chance.
Then, for the Elimination Challenge, another surprise! All four judges walk in. (Never a good sign.) It seems the show had tweeted that 75 Top Chef fans will have a chance to come to a special tasting. (How did I miss this?!) Also, the judges are doing the food shopping. Cheftestants will not see the ingredients until the next day when they have to cook. Each judge is choosing for two chefs.
At the grocery store, hijinx ensue as Padma steal’s Richard’s basket and drops all of the fish he selected onto the store floor. I’m also pretty sure that everyone except Richard (who is experienced at this sort of thing) does not stick with the time limit. Padma can be seen wandering slowly around the store. Who would dare tell her that she’s out of time? Meanwhile, George is psyched to finally see the Boylston Street apartment.
New thought: Jackfruit? It’s amazing how many foods there are that I don’t even know exist.
At the tasting, an adorable little girl loves Doug’s food. And he adorably gives her multiple portions, then gifts her with the sign for his table. Now we all love Dougie. Also adorable are all of the superfans with stars in their eyes as they get to rub elbows and chat with the judges.
Result: Dougie wins! Adam packs his knives. (Dear Adam: Your shrimp experiment didn’t work, and it’s too bad. I’ve grown to like you, and would have rather seen Melissa go with her safe food. Sincerely, Anna)
It’s official: There will be a Last Chance Kitchen…I may have to watch!
Episode 9 – It’s 4:00 and I’ve reached the last TC episode on my DVR! Holy cow! I need to take a shower and clean the house soon. The boyfriend is coming over in 2 hours and I’ve hardly left the couch since the morning.
As the chefs walk in for the Quickfire, there stands Padma with Patriot player Rob Gronkowski. Not only that, but Padma is flirting! (Salman Rushdie to Richard Gere to Gronk? Interesting.) The cheftestants are given an hour to make sausages from scratch. Gronk tells them that he needs a big sausage and Padma says she does, too. Then she blushes. Oh, Padma!
As he works, Doug compares badly stuffed sausage casings to condoms, then he apologizes to his mom. We heart Dougie. During the judging, New Yorker George insults Gronk, but still manages to win.
For the Elimination Challenge, the chefs are tasked with making a dish inspired by a New England literary work from those provided to them. The dish needs to not only taste good, but it must also represent the book visually. Katsuji picks Stephen King’s Carrie. A better match was never made.
Sweet Dougie gets Emily Dickinson. But then he calls her a “depressed chick poet from the 1800s” and I am a bit hurt. Not that he isn’t right, but “chick?” Come on, Dougie. Don’t turn all misogynistic and lose our love. As he reads Emily’s poetry, though, Doug gets inspired. We knew you’d come through, Doug!
The judges arrive. Padma is sporting a look that evokes “hot schoolgirl” thanks to a little white bow at the neck. It’s very literary, I suppose. There are also authors among the diners. The judges love everything, so it is a difficult decision.
Result: Mei wins. Katsuji packs his knives. I’m not terribly upset.
It’s 5:00 p.m., and I’m caught up! Bam! (Sorry, wrong chef.) My friend was right, though. This is an awesome and intense season so far. More to come!
