Dancing with Mayor McCheese

The son had a stomach bug last week, so I've been dealing with a type of unpleasantness that only parents and geriatric nurses who draw the short straw for job assignments have to face. This is to explain why I'm a bit behind in posting the latest blog entry. It's also to draw sympathy. You might think I'd be above that, but you'd be wrong.

Books

• Dave Barry in Cyberspace by Dave Barry – I used to wish that I could become the next Dave Barry. I tried writing funny things all the time. I wrote a humor column for my college paper that at least three people who weren't my friends admitted to reading. But that's where it ended. Until now. Thankfully, the Internet has made it possible for anyone to believe they are columnists simply because they maintain a blog. It's just a matter of getting enough visitors to your site now that readers have so many options available to them. Of course, to be the next Dave Barry, it's also a matter of being a Pulitzer Prize-worthy writer. Thankfully, the Internet has lower standards. Score!

• Petropolis by Anya Ulinich – I finished the book. Overall, I liked it, but you know that feeling you get when you see a movie based on a book that frustrates you because they cast the main character all wrong? The last quarter of the book left me with that feeling. Ulinich uses several characters to narrate the events from their own point-of-view, but there isn't a consistency about which characters tell the story and when. Most of the central part of the book is written through the eyes of the main character, Sasha, and it isn't until near the end that we suddenly see her through someone else's POV. And it's jarring. Although I think it's meant to reveal more about her character—things others see about her that she doesn't see about herself—it actually feels false and unnecessary. If we were meant to see her as others do, why wait until near the end when she's fully formed in our minds? Where the book does ring true, at least from my limited world experience, is in its Russian-ness. In particular, Ulinich embodies her Russian-born characters with a particularly Russian way of expressing emotions. When they are arguing, giving opinions, or feeling inspired by the arts (especially poetry), Russians show immense passion. But should anyone take time to talk about his or her feelings, that time is being wasted. The unspoken mantra of those not yet Americanized is "Suck it up. Life is not easy. If you think you have problems, let me tell you about [insert gruesome Soviet-era story here]."

• Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K. Rowling – The daughter and I started book 4. But before we began, I thought it was important to tell her that this book is where the Harry Potter world gets more serious. Good people die, and not just in the past, as with Harry's parents, but right in front of us. In fact, the first chapter sets the tone with two deaths. I don't plan to tell her anything about the actual storylines, but I wanted to prepare her so that she wouldn't be blindsided by the darker tone. Especially since I'll be the one that has to face whatever reaction she has, which could be rather unpleasant…for me.

• Dancing with the Star by Alex Harvey – Another ready-to-read Spongebob book. As I picture other parents reading classic children's literature and thoughtful New Yorker pieces to their Harvard-bound children, I try not to judge myself too harshly about the lack of quality literature in the son's bedtime repertoire. Hopefully he'll grow into a more confident reader soon, and then he'll be open to more thoughtful and high-quality literature. If not, he's incredibly cute and already charming with the ladies, so I'm pretty sure he'll be okay.

 

TV

• Project Runway All Stars – Go Mondo! Go Mondo! I watched the two-part finale with both children. The son was rooting for Austin. The daughter was rooting for Michael, though after seeing all three collections, she switched her vote to Austin. I was rooting for Mondo who has been my favorite since the beginning, except when I wavered because he got super emotional and whiny toward the end. (Yes, I'm Russian. Why do you ask?) When the winner was announced, I started doing a victory fist pump in the air while telling the kids to "suck it!" because they lost. Well, maybe I didn't use those exact words, but I'm pretty sure I gloated.

• VH1's Couples Therapy – I watched the first episode of this new program, which is from the producers of Celebrity Rehab. The show features pseudo-celebrity couples who are having relationship troubles and have chosen this venue to get publicity work through their issues. Led by Dr. Jenn Berman, a "nationally renowned relationship therapist" (according to the VH1 cast bios), the couples live together for 21 days as they go through intensive therapy. The couples are Angelina Pivarnick (The Jersey Shore) and Chris Nirschel (The Next Food Network Star), Vienna Girardi(The Bachelor) and Kasey Kahl (The Bachelorette), DMX (rapper, actor, and father of more than 10 children during his marriage) and Tashera Simmons (his estranged wife and mother of four of the children), and Linda Hogan (52-year-old ex-wife of Hulk Hogan) and Charlie Hill (her 23-year-old boyfriend). Joining them in episode 2, which I have not yet watched, are Reichen Lehmkuhl (Amazing Race) and Rodiney Santiago (model and Reichen's co-star on a hit Logo show). So far, the most exciting moment came when DMX had a meltdown big enough to make Angelina sympathetic towards Tashera, not an easy thing to get Angelina to do. DMX's tirade included the declaration that he will keep [having relations with women] until his [private area] falls off. Stellar reality moment! Unfortunately, the therapists are so full of their own importance (or expected earnings) that they treat this like legitimate therapy, despite the ridiculousness of the setup. Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm jaded. But I have to say, I find it difficult to take Dr. Jenn Berman seriously when she explains, with no hint of irony, the reason behind Vienna and Kasey's issues: "Relationships are tough enough. Imagine airing all your dirty laundry on television. This couple didn't even stand a chance."

• 30 Rock – We meet again, Macbeth curse reference. This time it's with Mayor McCheese Macbeth, who is both tasty and evil. Well played, 30 Rock. Well played.