A Mash Note to Mindy Kaling

TV

The Mindy Project – I have become a devoted fan of Mindy Kaling's hilarious and adorable sitcom. Kaling plays an Ob/Gyn in a workplace-as-family setup filled with quirky characters and ridiculous situations. That may sound typical of modern comedies, but I find a lot of my laughs (and, yes, cries) in unexpected moments. Unexpected for me, that is, but well-timed and carefully written by Kaling and her team. A friend recently compared The Mindy Project to Scrubs, and while I don't deny the parallels (doctors, silly situations, romance, and heartfelt moments), I'm not sure that I agree. Whereas Scrubs, an excellent show in its own right (the early seasons, anyway), focused on 20-somethings just starting to make a place for themselves in the world, The Mindy Project is about mostly-30-somethings who are already midstream in life. Even in the midst of the quirkiness and only-on-TV antics, there's an undercurrent of recognizing what it means to be an adult, whether you feel old enough for it or not.

Books

Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns) by Mindy Kaling – I found this part-memoir, part-humorous essay, and part-advice book to be funny, engaging, and more than a little jealousy-inducing as a writer. Like a friend telling you her best stories, Kaling writes about her path from sensitive, chubby kid to successful Hollywood writer, a path paved with equal parts talent, hard work, and great timing. 

And speaking of friends, I also discovered that Kaling and I could be great friends. I don't mean that in a stalker-ish way. I just think that if Mindy (may I call you Mindy?) and I were to actually meet, we would bond over our shared experiences of growing up in Massachusetts with academic-achievement-oriented immigrant parents who fully support and encourage us without completely understanding what we plan to do. Of course it's good when friends bring something unique to their relationship. Mindy would totally rock the shopping/fashion knowledge in our friendship because I'm an embarrassment in that arena, while I could throw around hilarious and informative stories about raising children. But most of all, though I'm a touch older than Mindy, I think I have a lot to learn from her. In the book, Mindy shares some of her most embarrassing moments. Whether she's talking about break-ups with boyfriends, unsuccessful auditions, fights with her Office boss Greg Daniels, or having a dress size bigger than 0 in Hollywood, it is often both painful and hilarious. As someone who grew up terribly afraid of embarrassment, I find it freeing to read how Mindy could stumble through each embarrassing moment and still end up okay. More than okay, in fact, because she can accept it, embrace it, and then write the hell out of it.

P.S. I totally agree with Mindy that men should have chest hair and comedy roasts are terrible.

P.P.S. Mindy, call me!

Here I Am!

My dear loyal readers,

The six of you have been very patient as I disappeared from blogging for these past seven months. As many of you know, I have been busy working, parenting, moving to a new home, and nanowrimo-ing. I have faithfully continued to read books and watch TV, but have been remiss in sharing my adventures with you. Thank you to those who have asked about the blog's return or otherwise nudged me. I'm back and ready to dig in again.

Yours truly,
Anna

Cooking Therapy

Books

• The Apprentice: My Life in the Kitchen by Jacques Pépin (audiobook) – I picked this up from my office's free table (a great source of free books, toys, and used kitchen utensils you don't want to touch). I had planned to give it to my friend, who's a former chef, but it turns out he's already read it (of course). He spoke highly of it, so I decided to keep it for myself. The book (as read by Michel Chevalier) is a beautiful memoir of Pépin's life and love of cooking. So far, I've heard about his childhood in war-ravaged France, his mother's struggles to care for the family while his father fought for the Resistance, and his burgeoning cooking skills that he learned while working in his mother's series of restaurants after the war. In my teens and 20s, I was never much inspired to learn how to cook more than basics (pasta anyone?), mostly because it seemed daunting to learn all of the skills involved in knowing how to stock a good kitchen, find the right ingredients, and put them together in a delicious way…all for a meal that may last less than an hour. But as my children grow, so does my desire to do better for them than I was willing to do for myself. And there's nothing quite like hearing from a master chef about his love for food and cooking to inspire even someone like me to want to learn more. Luckily for Jacques Pépin, I can't bother him for actual advice. My friend, on the other hand, won't be as lucky.

• Hermit Crabs by Carol Frischmann – The daughter finally talked me into adding more creatures to the family zoo. It's only because I know how much she loves animals, and how well she could support an aging mother on a veterinarian's salary, that I finally agreed. The book we picked up at the pet store about how to care for the hermit crabs is clearly written, but overwhelming for the daughter to go through on her own. So I've agreed to read it, and then talk about the information with her. What I've learned so far is that hermit crabs, when properly cared for, can live 15 years or more. So now my main concern is: will the veterinary school dorms allow the daughter to bring hermit crabs with her? Although Hermione and Wiggles have grown on me, my hope is that the answer is yes.

• The kids and I went to a local Book and Bake Sale that raises money for our town library. This weekend-long event happens every spring and fall, and it is one of my favorite times of the year. (I'm not exaggerating. The daughter can attest to how I sang "It's the most wonderful time of the year" on the drive over. The kids eventually asked me to stop because I was singing that one line over and over. But in my defense, I was giddy with excitement and coffee.) The son picked out a bunch of early readers, which I have been reading to him at bedtime. The daughter and I got a few books each, too. My list is: Ragtime by E.L. Doctorow, All My Sons by Arthur Miller, Fraud by David Rakoff, My Life in France by Julia Child (more cooking advice from a master!), and Treasury of Women's Quotations. Also, the kids got cake pops. Score!

• Les Misérables by Victor Hugo – Still moving along.

TV

• 30 Rock – It was the live episode. Given the live-TV pedigree of the Saturday Night Live graduates on the show, it was predictably well done, and even improved from last year's first foray into a 30 Rock live show. This episode's theme was remembering the power of live TV, and one of the better moments was a sketch about a 1970s newscast in which two male news anchors (Jon Hamm and Alec Baldwin for the East Coast broadcast; Brian Williams and Baldwin for the West Coast) refuse to accept that a female correspondent (Tina Fey) has a story for them. Best line: "Honey, you have a dynamite shape, but you're going to have to shut up and let a man tell us what's happening. Now, is your father or a policeman nearby?"

• Community – I'm officially back on the bandwagon. Although I find the show to be hit or miss this season, the recent homage to Law and Order was sensational. It was so spot on in merging the look and feel of a Dick Wolf production with the quirky characters and storylines of Community, that I wonder if they borrowed any of the L&O crew to shoot it. And I'm hesitant to describe the episode in any great detail because part of the charm was how unexpected the L&O-style moments were. If you're a fan of the shows and haven't seen it, find it online. Dun dun!

• VH1's Couples Therapy – This show may be the best combination of true life and reality ridiculousness on air. Although it's so easy to make fun of the d-list celebrities, some of the participants have real traumas in their past, and it's all coming out. When DMX has a reunion with his mother, who in the past abused and abandoned him, the moment is as sad and powerful as you would expect. I'm still confused about the true motives of the mother, who comes in with arms open, love in her heart, and simple explanations, all of which gloss over the terrible events of the past. But the joy that DMX seems to feel from finally hearing his mother say, "I love you"—something we've learned she never said during his childhood—makes it irrelevant what her intentions are. His happiness is real. On the other side of the emotional heft is the ridiculousness, mostly brought on by the therapists and the learning experiences they've set up for the couples. I suppose it's possible that Dr. Jenn Berman is a good therapist (the celebrities certainly seem to value her opinion), but either her on-camera approach or the editing of VH1's reality masters gives me lots of pause. Just before DMX's mother is brought in for the big meeting, Berman asks if she could lead everyone in a prayer. We have seen DMX and his wife pray before, so we know that religion is important to them. If they had initiated the prayer, and the doctor joined them, I would think it was a nice, supportive gesture. But is it common for a therapist to initiate the prayer? Also, during group therapy, Berman often swears more than any of her patients, which includes Angelina from Jersey Shore, I remind you. At one of the planned experiences, the couples learn about the enduring power of love when a guest speaker tells them how his girlfriend was seriously injured days before their wedding. As the young man speaks and shows a video about his story, the couples are led to believe that his girlfriend died. But, surprise! When the video ends, the young woman enters the room in a wheelchair. Everyone is visibly relieved to learn that the young woman survived and that the couple was finally able to get married. But am I the only one who finds it odd that the young man had to sit there with a forlorn look so that the celebrities and TV audience first thought that his girlfriend was dead? Is the "big reveal" as much a practice of therapy as it is on television? The next learning experience brought the couples to a jewelry store to help another young man pick an engagement ring for his girlfriend. Since d-list celebrities are experts at engagement rings and figuring out what a person they've never met would like, it seems like a very useful task. What did they learn, you might ask? That diamonds are sparkly!

Miss Girl Power

Books

• Girls Think of Everything: Stories of Ingenious Inventions by Women by Catherine Thimmesh – While putting away the daughter's library books recently, I saw this one in the stack and was immediately sucked in. I LOVED IT! This book has fascinating information, clear and playful writing, and clever illustrations that evoke the spirit of each invention. For example, I learned that in 1903, Mary Anderson invented the windshield wiper because she felt sorry for streetcar drivers struggling to see through the glass in poor weather. Other engineers had tried to solve the visibility problem, but none had come up with a great solution…until Mary developed her device to remove snow. The book also features the stories of two present-day young girls (10-years-old and 11-years-old) who each invented something because they needed it for themselves, but whose inventions eventually became successful products. The book ends by encouraging young readers to develop their own inventions and provides resources to get them started. I'm not too old, right?

• Les Misérables by Victor Hugo – I took some time to read the introduction, which I hardly ever do. Some book introductions are painfully over-analytical, like the worst parts of a high school English class. Plus, they often reveal plot points that could ruin the experience for a first-time reader. However, since I've already read the story, I actually found it interesting to learn more about Victor Hugo's life and how his experiences and beliefs influenced his characters. Given that I took some time to read this, I'm not that far along in the story yet. Plus, my children don't seem to appreciate the way I hum "One Day More" from the Les Misérables musical each time I pick up the book. Frankly, they should be happy I'm not yet singing Eponine's tragic song, "On My Own," at the top of my lungs. I remember how I felt Eponine's pain as a suburban teenager. I truly did. And it wouldn't take much to bring all that passion back because we live in "a world that's full of happiness, that I have never knooooooooown!!" Sorry.

•  Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K. Rowling – Continuing to read with the daughter. The number of characters is growing, and I'm starting to get tongue-tied. I hope they all have the same type of British accent, because my variations are fairly limited. I'm doing pretty well with the house elf portrayal though. Maybe it's all the cleaning I do at home. And the tea towels that I wear.

TV

• 30 Rock – The last two episodes reminded me what I love most about this show: the writing and the smart-girl power. Not every episode has a stellar storyline, but they all have at least one great, quotable line. I don't know if these are technically zingers or one-liners or plain old jokes, but there are often moments when I'm surprised into laughter. You know, the kind of unexpected line that causes a loud guffaw or a snort. If you find a 30 Rock fan and say the following line—"She's unhinging her jaw!"—you'll see what I mean. The other aspect of this show that I adore is the nerdastic girl power of Liz Lemon, the awkward and hilarious head writer and producer of the sketch comedy show-within-a-show. Liz is portrayed by the brilliant Tina Fey, on whom I have a nerd-girl-crush mixed with some minor jealousy and a bit of gas from the guffawing. In the most recent episode "Murphy Brown Lied to Us," Liz meets an 11-year-old girl who is a young version of her—smart, awkward, and self-aware. The storyline serves to re-inspire 40-something Liz to consider if she's ready for kids. But the episode's real message is one that underlies much of the show—women need to support each other. So, come on ladies! Say it loud: "Girls Rule! Boys Drool!" Or perhaps something more mature than that. You get the idea.

• Tough Love New Orleans – On the other end of the spectrum when it comes to girl power is the fourth season of Tough Love. In this VH1 show, a mother/son pair of matchmakers, Steve and JoAnn Ward, take single women who are having trouble finding the right guy and put them through dating boot camp. Steve treats it like a real boot camp. He yells and bullies the women about their poor dating habits and encourages them to follow his rules if they want to find love. He even gives each woman a name based on her worst dating issue ("Miss Awkward," "Miss Gold Digger," etc.) and tells them they have to earn the right to lose those names. His mother occasionally shows up to comfort the women when Steve's bullying becomes too much. I'm not sure what's more painful and disturbing—watching the women interacting with men (because they really do need some dating help) or watching them glow and thank Steve when he throws them back-handed compliments before he gets tough again. I guess I'll find out as I watch more!

• How I Met Your Mother – I like the show, and Barney's current foray into actual love that lasts longer than one night is charming. But come on. Stop teasing with the slow approach to meeting the mother. Get to it! A recent episode, in which the guys thought about each time they watched the Star Wars trilogy (a ritual that they did every three years, beginning in college), felt like a clip show despite containing all new footage. Each memory served to show where the guys were in their lives at that time—who was successful in love and/or business and who wasn't. The final scene (set to take place in 2015) showed Ted (the Dad telling his kids about this titular meeting) holding his baby daughter. So, essentially, we've learned that Ted will finally meet his girl and they will have a baby sometime within the next three years. Yes, it's progress, but three years is still a long time. Sigh.

Feeling Good and Misérables

Books

• Les Misérables by Victor Hugo – The unread and not-recently-read classics on my bookshelves are beginning to mock me. Also, my own personal dramas of the past week are making me want to read about people who have it worse. So, Jean Valjean, Fantine, Eponine—bring it on. Full disclosure for the literary set: I'm reading an abridged version. While the unabridged tome is more than 1,400 pages long (1,900 pages in French, according to Wikipedia), my version, abridged by Laurence M. Porter, is roughly 800 pages. I hope I don't miss anything important.

• Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K. Rowling – I had thought the daughter was cranky and unwilling to read because of pre-teen moodiness and allergies, but it turns out it was because of pre-teen moodiness, allergies, and an ear infection. Now that the ear infection is being treated, we're back to reading. We've just finished the chapter about the Quidditch World Cup and are about to learn about the Dark Mark.

TV

In honor of the long weekend for Patriot's Day and the Boston Marathon, I enjoyed some marathon TV viewing. Yes, I also made it outside. Don't judge.

• The Good Wife – I watched four episodes. All were excellent. At the end of "The Blue Ribbon Panel," when Alicia approaches Jackie, her conniving mother-in-law, at a hair salon, and Jackie gives a look of evil smugness just before the screen goes black, I got chills. Also, I think I was wrong when I said that too much negative drama is not to my liking. With the right approach, the constant pressures on Alicia create the opportunity to show her strength, and that makes for superb moments. I was even disappointed that the Caitlin storyline, which I had disliked, suddenly went away with a fizzle. Sure, I was frustrated that Caitlin was being set up as Alicia's rival at her law firm and, possibly, with her one-time love interest, Will. But when it turns out that Caitlin is happily leaving the firm to get married and have a baby, it seemed like her entire tension-filled storyline was wasted.

• VH1 Couples Therapy – I was all set to make fun of Vienna and Angelina, who sorely deserve it, but then Kasey had a breakthrough about childhood abuse that he suffered at the hands of his mom's boyfriend, and then DMX talked about his abusive mother, so everything got serious. I hate it when reality creeps into my reality shows.

• Mob Wives – Renee's ex-husband, Junior, goes to jail to serve a sentence that has been known to be coming all season. What hasn't been known, however, is that during the time Junior was supposedly trying to reconcile with Renee, he was actually making a deal with the Feds against Renee's mobster daddy. When it's discovered that Junior has cooperated and thus "ratted out" Renee's father, Renee is distraught for both herself and her teenage son. In this community, being a rat is worse than being a murderer. And being the family of a rat isn't much easier. Thankfully for Renee, her friends rally around her. And only a few of them mention behind her back that if it had been one of them, Renee would have been the first to treat them terribly. They are so good to her, I tell you. Martyrs!

• Blue-Eyed Butcher – Hello, my name is Anna, and I'm a recovering Lifetime made-for-TV movie addict. It's true. I went through a dark period in my life where I became hooked on woman-in-danger and woman-as-killer movie fare. This week, I had a relapse and watched a movie based on the true story (of course) of Susan Wright, a young mother in Houston who stabbed her husband nearly 200 times to stop his alleged abuse. And I'll admit it. I watched the whole thing. I'm so ashamed. So deeply, deeply ashamed. I need to cleanse my palate. When is Jersey Shore coming back?!

Stalled Adolescents of Television

Books

• Dave Barry in Cyberspace by Dave Barry – This book is 12 years old, which is approximately 12 million in computer years. But as a Dave Barry fan, I still find it amusing. Granted, I'm only on Chapter 1—A Brief History of Computing from Cave Walls to Windows 95—so it may feel more out of date as I go along. Still, it's amazing how much hasn't changed. Have "LOL" and "ROTFL" really been around since the 90s? I feel old.

• Super Diaper Baby 2: The Invasion of the Potty Snatchers by Dav Pilkey, The Gingerbread Boy by Paul Galdone, and various picture books for bedtime reading with the son.

• The daughter is taking a break from Harry Potter. Instead, she's either reading on her own or having discussions with me at bedtime. And by "discussions," I mean that sometimes we talk about school and life and sometimes she whines about not having anything good to read. Apparently, now that she's finished The Spiderwick Chronicles by Holly Black, nothing can compare. As I prepare another trip into the overwhelming place that is the kids' fantasy book section of the library, I am hoping it won't take too long. I have TV to watch. 

 

TV

As I type this, my DVR is being taken away because I am switching cable providers to hopefully save lots of money. This is an important sacrifice to make because I have children who require a lot of money, but it still makes me sad. Goodbye unwatched Slings and Arrows and The Good Wife. Goodbye saved NOVA program about the elements and Independent Lens documentary about Elmo. I hope I can find you again.

• New Girl – While I still had the DVR, I caught up on four backlogged episodes. I have to say—I think the show has got its groove back! Maybe it's the addition of Dermut Mulroony as Jess's love interest, Russell. I've never cared for him in his movie roles, but he is absolutely charming as the sophisticated older man who enters the lives of these 30-something stalled adolescents. Perhaps even cuter than the budding romance between Jess and Russell is the man-crush (actually, love) that Nick has developed for Russell. Although Nick is probably the most immature and least ambitious of the roommates, his admiration for Russell suddenly makes him want to be everything that Russell represents. He wanders around Russell's large house in Russell's sweater and lovingly touches objects he finds along the way. He also tries to explain Russell's manly greatness to Jess: "He smells like strong coffee and going to see a man about a horse!"

• Shahs of Sunset – Yes, it's another reality show on Bravo! This new show follows 30-something Persian socialites as they party, work, and party some more in LA, all while maintaining connections to their family cultures and traditions. It's the Persian version of the Jersey Shore if the JS kids continue to earn lots of money and don't mature over the next 10 years. Each cast member is crazy in their own way, but none so much as Golnesa "GG" Gharachedaghi, a 29-year-old with anger management issues and a collection of knives that she likes to name, including a taser called "Crispy." And did I mention she likes to karate kick people when she gets mad?! I was ready to write this show off as completely mindless entertainment (which is good enough for me), but there was a moment in the last episode that was actually real. Rezza, a 38-year-old openly gay man, has struggled with being accepted within the Persian culture throughout his life. Not only that, but he is also the son of a mixed marriage between a Muslim and a Jew. When his Jewish father converted to Islam to marry his mother, it created tension within his father's family that ultimately led to the breakdown of the marriage. Rezza's father moved away and became estranged from his wife and son. (You just want to give Rezza a hug for making it this far!) Now, in the latest episode of Shahs of Sunset, Reza travels to New Jersey to confront his father for the first time in more than two decades. What results is a tearful and tense reunion that gets to the heart of an issue within Jewish culture. Rezza learns that it is his grandmother, his father's mother, who encouraged her son to disown his wife and child and break contact with them after the divorce. Because her grandson is not Jewish, he is not family. Thankfully for Rezza, his father and the rest of his father's family welcome him with open arms and begin the healing of reuniting their family. Rezza will not forgive his grandmother, nor does she seek his forgiveness. In fact, we never see them speak. But the reunion between father and son, as well as the family Shabbat dinner at which they are all gathered, is enough to inspire emotion even in the most hardened reality-viewer's heart.

• Other catch up included Modern Family, 30 Rock, and Community. I have to say, Community did an excellent send up of Ken Burns's The Civil War, documenting the battle between students building a fort out of pillows (Pillowtown) and those building a fort out of blankets (Blanketsburg). And just like The Civil War, it alternated from being interesting to moving slowly. As a side-note, I hear that Chevy Chase and series creator Dan Harmon are in an ugly battle of words. Could it be because of the Pillowman costume Chevy was forced to wear as he was pummeled by pillow-wielding extras?

Other Stuff

Occasionally I do something other than watch TV and read books. For example, I watch movies and read stuff online. I might mention these things here.

• The Hunger Games – Having read the book, I finally saw the movie. It was good, but as is the case with many book-to-movie translations, it couldn't match the original text. And I wonder if anyone who watched the movie without having read the book could follow the entire storyline. There was a lot of background information from the book that helped connect the plot points, but it was barely alluded to onscreen. Plus, there were a lot of teenagers and 20-somethings in the theatre. Yet again, I feel old.

Dancing with Mayor McCheese

The son had a stomach bug last week, so I've been dealing with a type of unpleasantness that only parents and geriatric nurses who draw the short straw for job assignments have to face. This is to explain why I'm a bit behind in posting the latest blog entry. It's also to draw sympathy. You might think I'd be above that, but you'd be wrong.

Books

• Dave Barry in Cyberspace by Dave Barry – I used to wish that I could become the next Dave Barry. I tried writing funny things all the time. I wrote a humor column for my college paper that at least three people who weren't my friends admitted to reading. But that's where it ended. Until now. Thankfully, the Internet has made it possible for anyone to believe they are columnists simply because they maintain a blog. It's just a matter of getting enough visitors to your site now that readers have so many options available to them. Of course, to be the next Dave Barry, it's also a matter of being a Pulitzer Prize-worthy writer. Thankfully, the Internet has lower standards. Score!

• Petropolis by Anya Ulinich – I finished the book. Overall, I liked it, but you know that feeling you get when you see a movie based on a book that frustrates you because they cast the main character all wrong? The last quarter of the book left me with that feeling. Ulinich uses several characters to narrate the events from their own point-of-view, but there isn't a consistency about which characters tell the story and when. Most of the central part of the book is written through the eyes of the main character, Sasha, and it isn't until near the end that we suddenly see her through someone else's POV. And it's jarring. Although I think it's meant to reveal more about her character—things others see about her that she doesn't see about herself—it actually feels false and unnecessary. If we were meant to see her as others do, why wait until near the end when she's fully formed in our minds? Where the book does ring true, at least from my limited world experience, is in its Russian-ness. In particular, Ulinich embodies her Russian-born characters with a particularly Russian way of expressing emotions. When they are arguing, giving opinions, or feeling inspired by the arts (especially poetry), Russians show immense passion. But should anyone take time to talk about his or her feelings, that time is being wasted. The unspoken mantra of those not yet Americanized is "Suck it up. Life is not easy. If you think you have problems, let me tell you about [insert gruesome Soviet-era story here]."

• Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K. Rowling – The daughter and I started book 4. But before we began, I thought it was important to tell her that this book is where the Harry Potter world gets more serious. Good people die, and not just in the past, as with Harry's parents, but right in front of us. In fact, the first chapter sets the tone with two deaths. I don't plan to tell her anything about the actual storylines, but I wanted to prepare her so that she wouldn't be blindsided by the darker tone. Especially since I'll be the one that has to face whatever reaction she has, which could be rather unpleasant…for me.

• Dancing with the Star by Alex Harvey – Another ready-to-read Spongebob book. As I picture other parents reading classic children's literature and thoughtful New Yorker pieces to their Harvard-bound children, I try not to judge myself too harshly about the lack of quality literature in the son's bedtime repertoire. Hopefully he'll grow into a more confident reader soon, and then he'll be open to more thoughtful and high-quality literature. If not, he's incredibly cute and already charming with the ladies, so I'm pretty sure he'll be okay.

 

TV

• Project Runway All Stars – Go Mondo! Go Mondo! I watched the two-part finale with both children. The son was rooting for Austin. The daughter was rooting for Michael, though after seeing all three collections, she switched her vote to Austin. I was rooting for Mondo who has been my favorite since the beginning, except when I wavered because he got super emotional and whiny toward the end. (Yes, I'm Russian. Why do you ask?) When the winner was announced, I started doing a victory fist pump in the air while telling the kids to "suck it!" because they lost. Well, maybe I didn't use those exact words, but I'm pretty sure I gloated.

• VH1's Couples Therapy – I watched the first episode of this new program, which is from the producers of Celebrity Rehab. The show features pseudo-celebrity couples who are having relationship troubles and have chosen this venue to get publicity work through their issues. Led by Dr. Jenn Berman, a "nationally renowned relationship therapist" (according to the VH1 cast bios), the couples live together for 21 days as they go through intensive therapy. The couples are Angelina Pivarnick (The Jersey Shore) and Chris Nirschel (The Next Food Network Star), Vienna Girardi(The Bachelor) and Kasey Kahl (The Bachelorette), DMX (rapper, actor, and father of more than 10 children during his marriage) and Tashera Simmons (his estranged wife and mother of four of the children), and Linda Hogan (52-year-old ex-wife of Hulk Hogan) and Charlie Hill (her 23-year-old boyfriend). Joining them in episode 2, which I have not yet watched, are Reichen Lehmkuhl (Amazing Race) and Rodiney Santiago (model and Reichen's co-star on a hit Logo show). So far, the most exciting moment came when DMX had a meltdown big enough to make Angelina sympathetic towards Tashera, not an easy thing to get Angelina to do. DMX's tirade included the declaration that he will keep [having relations with women] until his [private area] falls off. Stellar reality moment! Unfortunately, the therapists are so full of their own importance (or expected earnings) that they treat this like legitimate therapy, despite the ridiculousness of the setup. Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm jaded. But I have to say, I find it difficult to take Dr. Jenn Berman seriously when she explains, with no hint of irony, the reason behind Vienna and Kasey's issues: "Relationships are tough enough. Imagine airing all your dirty laundry on television. This couple didn't even stand a chance."

• 30 Rock – We meet again, Macbeth curse reference. This time it's with Mayor McCheese Macbeth, who is both tasty and evil. Well played, 30 Rock. Well played.

Out, Damned Spot from the Smush Room Mattress!

Books

• Petropolis by Anya Ulinich – The mood has picked up a bit in the last few chapters, which means I'm dreading the agony that is sure to come. A Russian isn't happy unless there's something to be miserable about, and a Jew isn't happy unless there's something to be worried about. The writer and I are both—so you can imagine my trepidation.
• When You Are Engulfed in Flames by David Sedaris – David Sedaris is brilliant at seeing the absurdity in ordinary events. I have much to learn. I want him to be my mentor—my Mr. Miyagi or my Jack Donaghy or Liz Lemon. Or maybe someone not fictional. That might be better.
• Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling – One more chapter to go!
• Attack of the Zombies! adapted by Alex Harvey –  This is a ready-to-read book based on an episode of Spongebob Squarepants. The son has had me read it to him three nights in a row. I'm getting much better at the voices. My Patrick is best, but my Squidward is definitely improving.
• Macbeth by William Shakespeare – I have not actually started rereading it (last read was in college), but I'm eyeing it again thanks to Slings & Arrows. More about that below.

TV

• Slings & Arrows – Watched the second season in a marathon viewing today. Six amazing episodes. You don't have to love the theatre to appreciate the writing, acting, and beautiful production of this show, but I think it's even more incredible if you feel a connection to the stage or screen. (Okay, yes, my big drama experiences were back in high school and college, but that still counts. Oh, crazy Mary Girard!) This season was focused on productions of Shakespeare's Macbeth and Romeo and Juliet. It was also a study of middle age and whether we become who we set out to be. I hate that I feel old enough to identify with this, but there you have it. The episode also taught me about the curse of Macbeth; because it is a play about evil, productions of it are inevitably cursed. In fact, you're not even supposed to say the name "Macbeth." He's like Voldemort (aah!), but instead of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, those who fear the curse call him Mackers.
• The Muppets – Saw it with the kids. I'm referring to the new movie, not the TV show, but because of its TV pedigree, and because I technically saw it on my TV, it sort of counts. I loved it! The kids had seen it before with their dad, but it was my first time. I clapped when Carmella and the chickens sang, or rather clucked, Cee Lo Green's "Forget You." I was excited when Beaker came on the screen (he's one of my favorites). And I was absolutely giddy when they recreated the opening number to The Muppet Show. I have a vague suspicion that I might be more starstruck meeting Animal than Brad Pitt. But then, who doesn't love a musician? 
• Jersey Shore – It's the season finale and a lot of nothing happens. Vinny hooks up with two lesbians, which, according to Pauly, is "the holy grail of hooking up." Deena shows a lot of cleavage—more than usual, anyway. Mike freaks out about stuff and then spreads rumors about Deena's sister. The fire alarm goes off. There's a water balloon fight. And a tornado threatens to destroy the world, or at least the Jersey shore, but ends up fizzling out like everything else. For better or worse, even Mother Nature isn't enough to shut it all down. Despite Snooki's pregnancy, Mike's trip to rehab, and the spate of spin-offs already being taped, they are all signed on for Season 6. But for now, we say farewell to the roommates. In a moment eerily reminiscent of the children's classic "Goodnight Moon," Snooki bids her adieus: "Goodbye, smush [room]. Goodbye, STDs. " And I'm left wondering if she's more clever than I give her credit for, or if I need to face the fact that there's no such thing as an unscripted show.

Dark Russians Take Over

Books

• Petropolis by Anya Ulinich – Continuing to read it. My mom was the one who gave it to me, so I mentioned to her that I had finally started it. Turns out she had bought it because of the writer's name (Anya—my Russian name, as I've mentioned). She thought that if this Anya from Russia had published a book, there was no reason that I couldn't finally write and publish one, too. It is her dream, she said, that I will publish a book and make lots of money. (Mom: "Like the writer of that book you are reading about the crazy boy who flies." Me: "Harry Potter?" Mom: "Yes!") I told her I would work on that. I also mentioned that, although I was enjoying the book, I had gotten to a part that was making me sad. My mom went ahead and told me how that part of the story is resolved at the end of the book. She said it was so I wouldn't feel sad. Awesome.
• Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling – Continuing to read with the daughter about the crazy boy who flies.
• When You Are Engulfed in Flames by David Sedaris – Since Petropolis has been feeling somewhat dark (A book about a Russian that is dark? Nyet!), I thought I needed something lighter to balance it out. I had bought this latest addition to my Sedaris collection after finding it in a bookstore bargain bin with a big tear along the spine of the outer sleeve. It seemed such a fitting way to come in possession of a David Sedaris book. As I read it, I feel that I should be sitting in a Parisian cafe, drinking cappuccinos, and making snarky observations about those in my vicinity. The closest I've come to this is drinking coffee on the couch while the children run around me wearing berets and swatting at each other with batons of bread. Occasionally they'll toss me a piece that has broken off to have with my coffee.
• The son was not interested in any of the new chapter books that I had gotten from the library, so we've gone back to reading picture books from our home library. So far we've reread several Eric Carle books and Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs by Judi Barrett. He's also once again willing to read the Bob Books for beginning readers by Bobby Lynn Maslen and Lynn Maslen Kertell. I have to say, I'm getting super excited about the emerging reader in our midst.

TV

• Project Runway All Stars – Kenley is out! Yeah, baby! Woo hoo! This is pretty much the level of enthusiasm I showed while watching the episode with the daughter. She gave me an amused but disapproving look, as I was not modeling proper behavior when someone loses. Sure, now she chooses to remember things that I've taught her.
• Tabatha Takes Over – This season, Tabatha is not only taking over hair salons and reorganizing them into functional businesses, but she is also expanding into other industries. In the episode I watched, Tabatha took over a doggie daycare and grooming business called Barkingham Palace. The place was a disaster, of course, and the biggest roadblock to the business's success was Tania, one half of the domestic partners who manage the daycare. Tania is so emotionally unstable, I wouldn't want to interact with her anywhere, much less work with her. Once again, reality TV has confirmed for me that a) crazy people who choose to put themselves in front of cameras are fascinating to watch and b) I have much to be thankful for when it comes to the people in my world. Well, when it comes to some of them, anyway.
• Mrs. Eastwood & Company – This show hasn't aired yet, but I'm already excited. It seems Clint Eastwood's wife and daughters are going to be the subjects of a new reality show on E! Although Mr. Eastwood will make occasional appearances on the show, that isn't even the most fascinating part of the equation. Mrs. Eastwood has begun to manage a six-man a cappella group that she discovered in South Africa while Mr. Eastwood was filming "Invictus." She brought them back with her to the United States and they now live in the Eastwood home while acclimating to life in a new country. I so hope this show is awesome.

The DVR-Clearing Project

Books

• Continuing to read Petropolis and Harry Potter, but had to focus a lot on TV watching since yesterday.

TV

• The Bronson Pinchot Project – Sometimes unexpected words catch my attention on the cable program guide listing. Apparently two of them are "Bronson" and "Pinchot." Pinchot is an actor best known for playing Balki in the 80s TV show Perfect Strangers, but has appeared in many other TV shows and movies, such as Beverly Hills Cop and First Wives Club. According to the DIY Network on which the program airs, Pinchot has a secret life in which he has been "buying neglected old homes and buildings and restoring them into eye-catching masterpieces." And now we can watch him do it. The moment I happened to tune in, Pinchot was talking about adding Greek columns to a house. Balki would have loved it! But wait, there's more… There's also The Vanilla Ice Project. Yes, that's right, the 90s rap/pop one-hit-wonder previously known for stealing a baseline from Queen for his song "Ice, Ice Baby" has quietly been working in the home improvement business for the past 15 years buying, renovating, and flipping homes. His show is doing so well, in fact, that it's already on its 2^nd season. When I clicked on it, Ice (a.k.a. Rob Van Winkle) and his team were busy renovating a bathroom for his daughters. After assessing what was coming together well, and what wasn't, he said, "If there is a problem, Yo, I'll solve it." He did! The groan from his team was slight, which tells me that either the setup was scripted and they're all in on the joke, or it happens so often that they can't even be bothered to be annoyed. God, I hope it's the latter. I'm not particularly interested in home renovations, but I'm fascinated that these shows exist.
• The Good Wife – I like this show, but I'm probably alone in liking it most when things are going relatively well for our heroine, Alicia Florrick. Yes, I understand the basic concept of a drama is that there is, well, drama. I DO understand that. But doesn't Alicia have enough to deal with already without increased emphasis on the fact that hot, young lawyer Caitlin is gunning for her job (and possibly her mostly unrequited lover, Will Gardner)? The show is smartly written and wonderfully acted, so I'm sticking with it, but I both look forward to and dread watching it. Sometimes it sucks being an optimist.
• Thursday night shows – 30 Rock was fun, but not spectacular. Parks and Rec was wonderfully squirm-inducing with Leslie's drunken interview. The Office is piling up on the DVR. That may be my next marathon.
• Modern Family – I did it! I'm caught up. And I'm all the better for it. The final episode of the bunch, "Leap Day," was my favorite. You wouldn't think an old setup about how women get crazy on their monthly cycles would have me in fits of giggles, but then you probably don't know me and/or the talent of the Modern Family writers. There's also the wonderful doomed-to-go-wrong party planning in honor of Cameron's birthday, which happens to fall on leap day:

 

[Couple Mitchell and Cameron being interviewed]

Mitchell: I've spent the last four years trying to figure out what kind of party to throw this one.

Cameron: Oh, honey, you know I'd be fine with just a nice casual evening at home with you.

Mitchell: Don't, don't even. No, no. That's what he said last time.

[Flashback to four years ago. Mitchell enters with a DVD.]

Mitchell: Okay birthday boy, what's it gonna be, rom-com or horror? Or we could do both and watch Maid in Manhattan.

Cameron turns and starts to dial the phone.

Mitchell: Whatcha doin?

Cameron: Canceling our baby.

Real Housewives of Siberia

Books

• Petropolis by Anya Ulinich – The author was born in Moscow in the Soviet Union in the early 1970s, just as I was. She immigrated with her family to the United States, just as I have. Her name is Anya, as is mine in Russian. She was awarded the National Book Foundation's "5 Under 35" award in recognition of her work being "particularly exciting and among the best of a new generation of writers," and I am reading that work. I could go into a jealous tizzy and be dismissive of her accomplishment, but I'm four chapters in and hooked. The world inhabited by the protagonist, Sasha Goldberg, feels both familiar and unimaginable to me. Sasha is a bi-racial, Jewish teen living in post-Soviet Siberia, which is still under the shadow of Stalin-era gulags in a rundown, forgotten part of the world. Sasha struggles as she clashes with her mother and faces prejudice in her old-world town. The book jacket explains that Sasha will break free of that life and immigrate to the United States as a mail-order bride. I can't wait.
• The son and I have gone through a series of books at bedtime that were very quick reads: Mercy Watson Goes for a Ride and Mercy Watson Fights Crime by Kate DiCamillo (author of The Tale of Despereaux and Because of Winn-Dixie) and Ricky Ricotta's Mighty Robot vs. the Mecha-Monkeys from Mars by Dav Pilkey (author of the Captain Underpants books). Both are chapter book series for the younger set; they were exciting and moved quickly enough to keep the son engaged. Sadly, there were no more books from either series at the library today, so I grabbed a bunch that will be new to us. Fingers crossed.
• Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling – Still going. The daughter hates when I pause for the night, which is always a good sign.
• The Best American Short Stories of the Century edited by John Updike – Um…no, not yet. Maybe I should give it up.

TV

• New Girl – I keep forgetting to say that I've been watching this one, which can't be a good sign. The first few episodes had me laughing out loud, and occasionally there are still moments that charm and/or amuse me, but I'm not fully engaged any more.
• Project Runway All Stars – The daughter likes it, so I save it to watch with her. It's more fun to watch together and have our own judging panel. During the light effects challenge episode, I was incredibly annoyed to discover that Kenley's dress was one of my favorites. I truly dislike Kenley and, even though she is the last woman standing, I find it hard to root for her. I was glad when one of my other favorite outfits, Austin's avant-garde night sky, was the winner. Not that Austin is my favorite (currently, it's Mondo), but anyone is better than Kenley.
• Reality Round-up – While particularly tired and looking for a mindless 20-minute break, I found myself flipping back-and-forth between Real Housewives of Orange County and Mob Wives. As fascinated as I am with these shows, I know that I could never spend time with any of these women in the real world. The mob wives scare me and the housewives, particularly the blondes of the OC, are beyond grating. However, I've come up with a drinking game that could apply to any of the "wives" show. Whenever one of the ladies plays with or touches her hair (and/or extensions)—anything unrelated to actually brushing or styling it—you take a drink. I anticipate a fun night ahead if any of these shows are on...which they usually are.
• Slings and Arrows – I found Season 2 at the library! My DVR seems to have only recorded half of the season, so I'm all atwitter about the discovery.
• Modern Family – Still planning my marathon viewing.

And the Oscar Goes To...

Books

• Bridget Jones's Diary by Helen Fielding – Finished!
• Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling – Still reading to the daughter. Now on chapter 11 and still going strong. Interesting development: When the daughter was doing her homework recently, I commended her on her neat handwriting (which was rather unlike her typical illegible streaks across the page). She answered that she'd been writing like that all day at school because she had been feeling like Hermione. (Oh, the nerdcitement! I couldn't be more proud.)
• Captain Underpants and the Preposterous Plight of the Purple Potty People by Dav Pilkey – I tend to sound embarrassed or apologetic whenever I mention that this is the book series that finally got the son interested in bedtime reading again, but I'm done with that. In Chapter 2, "Those Wacky Grown-ups," Pilkey mentions the old saying that adults spend two years teaching kids to walk and talk, then spend 16 years trying to get them to sit down and shut up. Then he writes about how it is the same issue with potty training: "One day you're a superstar because you pooped in the toilet like a big boy, and the next day you're sitting in the principal's office because you said the word 'poopy' in American History class (which, if you ask me, is the perfect place to say that word.)" I'm officially a fan. Tra-la-laaa!

• The Best American Short Stories of the Century edited by John Updike – All best intentions did not get me to do more than read the first line of three separate stories. Hoping to do better this week.

TV

• Top Chef finale – Hooray for Paul! I'm very excited that he won, but it came as a bit of a surprise. Although the judges seemed to love both menus, they criticized Paul's inconsistent soup more than Sarah's undercooked beets. I'm always curious about the part of judges' table that we don't get to see. Did the judges talk about Paul's superior performance throughout the season versus Sarah's close calls? Did the producers step in to say that they wanted it to be Paul? Or was it really only based on the final meals?

• 84^th Annual Academy Awards – I finally watched the Oscars, and my DVR was thrilled to be three hours lighter. I didn't feel particularly vested in the results as I'd only seen The Descendants and Kung Fu Panda 2 this year, but I wanted to see Billy Crystal. I love Billy, and having him host the Oscars is like eating mac and cheese in your pajamas under your favorite blanket. Still, I couldn't help feeling that I'd somehow been transported to the Borcht Belt.

• Jersey Shore – I caught much of the recent episode in which 1) Mike continued to lose his grip on reality while plotting his bizarre revenge on Snooki with the help of "The Unit" (yes, that's a person), 2) JWoww planned a "romantic" (quotes are hers) evening with boyfriend Roger that involved numerous adult toys that had to be fuzzed out when they appeared on the TV screen, and 3) Vinny and Pauly continued their bromance. The latter is fast becoming my favorite part of the show. I just hope Vinny gets to tag along for Pauly's new show, or the heartbreak will be immense for them and the viewers.

• NBC Thursday night line-up – I haven't watched The Office yet, but I couldn't bear to skip Parks and Rec or 30 Rock. I also realized this week that Whitney has been moved and the fourth show in the lineup is now Up All Night. Personally, I'm not interested in watching a sitcom about the struggle of new parents. Been there, done that. Any humor is lost on me. So, I'll continue to look forward to Community's return.

• Modern Family – I miss the Pritchett and Dunphy clans so much! The backlog on the DVR is up to six episodes. I may have to enjoy a marathon this weekend.

Bridget and I (Bridget and Me?)

Books

• I began reading Bridget Jones's Diary on Sunday evening. By Tuesday, I was two-thirds of the way through, cheering Bridget on and thankful that I hadn't jumped back into the dating pool yet. If the amount of pre-date primping and post-date stress that Bridget experiences is anything like the real world, I'd rather face her greatest fear—ending up alone, half-eaten by an Alsatian. After all, Bridget is a 30-something who is likely in her early 30s. I am a late-30-something with kids. Even the Alsatian may think twice about getting involved.

Then, on Tuesday evening, as I read about Bridget's attempts to recover from her humiliating breakup with boyfriend Daniel Cleaver, my phone began buzzing. It was my ex-boyfriend texting me to see if there was still any chance for us. Empowered by Bridget and her friends' denouncing of fuckwittage, I was was able to be curt in my responses. I don't know where that situation will ultimately end up, but it felt good to have some girlfriends behind me, even if they were in the pages of a book. Of course by the time the texting finished, I was feeling emotional and needed cheering up. So I stayed up late to finish the book and enjoy Bridget's happy and romantic ending.

• I continue reading Harry Potter #3 with the daughter and have moved on to the next Captain Underpants with the son. Interestingly, the son is currently going through a stage where he refuses to wear underpants. I pointed out the irony of this to him during Thursday night's bedtime reading, and, while he acknowledged that it was funny, I don't have high hopes that it will change anything about the situation. But, as someone mentioned to me recently, it's better that he's running around in pants without underwear than running around in underwear without pants like the book's hero.

TV

• Bridget Jones and life responsibilities have been keeping me busy, so the DVR has been working diligently in my absence. It is at more than 80% full, and the daughter keeps reminding me that it is mostly my shows taking up the space. I can see that I have a date with the DVR in my future. Perhaps I will bring some wine.